Why nice guys are boring
Pamela gets excited about her date. They met online and he has all the qualities she is looking for in a man. He is successful, attractive and has a great smile and, best of all, he is straight and available. After years of swimming in the dating pool, she finally feels hopeful about a night out with someone who has potential. As she greets him at the restaurant bar, she is pleased with his looks and he is a perfect gentleman.
As the evening progresses, their conversation is flowing and natural and she discovers that he has the same goals in life. He, too, is looking to settle down, get married and have a family. She feels as though he is too good to be true as if the universe handed her Mr. Perfect on a silver platter. The only problem is that she does not feel anything romantic toward him. He was nice enough, but no spark. She never returns his calls and wonders why she couldn’t just like the guy and be done with her search. Beating herself up, she continues to pine over her last boyfriend who dumped her for another woman months earlier.
This may sound familiar to many single women out there. They cannot figure out why the nice guys turn out to be boring and how they can be so incredibly attracted to the guy that does not have his life together or avoids the word committed relationship like the Swine Flu. Are the nice guys really that boring or is it something in you that makes you run for cover when he is ready for the love you have been waiting for all along?
There actually has been research conducted about single women and men and what determines attraction. The common thread was that the feeling of uncertainty really caused the heart to go pitter-patter, not the looks, the bank account, the career or the hot body. You may have heard this described as “keeping the mystery” or “playing hard to get” to win a person’s love. Now the research has been found to support this theory.
So, what does this mean to you and your love life? How can you attract a good guy and still have those romantic urges for him? Follow these simple rules:
- Don’t take the nice guys for granted. They can leave you just as easily as the bad boys. Don’t settle into a smug “I got him wrapped around my finger” attitude because that kills the mystique of romance.
- Allow the dance of intimacy to occur between you. Give him a chance to show you his edgy coolness. There Is something sexy and appealing inside everyone.
- Don’t wait until he loses interest to change your mind about him. You will lose your power and then repeat the same patterns you did with countless other failed relationships.
- Remember the reasons why you want to be with someone who is good to you. Wouldn’t it be great to be with someone who you trust? You don’t want to be the woman madly in love with a man who will stay out all night while you are home pregnant – that isn’t the life you want.
- If you constantly feel repulsed by nice guys, you should look within to see why you do not feel deserving of being adored. Your repulsion is more about how you feel about yourself, than anything to do with the nice guy.
Give the nice guys a chance. They are the ones who become your boyfriends, husbands and fathers of your children. When I met my boyfriend, he gave me a beautiful poem on our second date. It was so romantic and I carried it around with me to show all of my friends. After 41 years of dating the wrong men, I was ready for a nice guy. When I showed the poem to a friend of mine she said to me, “Oh, I would run away from a guy who gave me a poem like this.” I replied, “Maybe that is why you are still single.”