Why aren’t you married? Facing your Love Alibi
If you are single over 25 years of age, you have undoubtedly heard the question, “Why aren’t you married?” There is a certain undercurrent that goes with the question and you may interpret their prodding into your personal life as if they are saying “What is wrong with you?” or “I can’t believe someone like you is still single!”
First of all, there is nothing wrong with being single. Society has made us believe that singles are “less than” if they are not a couple. Actually, I met plenty of “marrieds” who secretly wish they had your freedom, wished they didn’t settle, and just want you to suffer with them in their boring coupled-world. If you are divorced, you may have experienced being thrust out of the couples club and then, after a period of healing, asked the question, “When are you getting married…again?”
Of course, every single person has their canned answer because they faced this question countless times. How you respond to the “Why aren’t you married?” inquiry can give you clue of what is blocking you from true love. I call it your “Love Alibi” or the rationalization you give to yourself and others for not having the love you want. These alibis, though they sound reasonable, are often just lies that keep you from remembering your true power.
You may tell others that “I just haven’t met the right person yet,” but you complain to your close friends that “Men just don’t like to commit” or “There is nowhere a woman my age can go to meet quality men.” The most popular one I hear is “I just don’t meet anyone that I have chemistry with.” The reason these responses are lies is because they put you in a powerless position, as if you are waiting for some external force to come in and bless you with true love. They are basically a lot of B.S. that keep you stuck as your deep mind is taking note of your limiting thinking.
What is your Love Alibi and do you really believe it? Do you doubt in your own power to attract the love of your life, waiting for fate to lend you a hand? Every time you use an excuse for why you don’t have the love you want, you are sending a message to your deep mind that you don’t have a choice. If that is true, then why bother learning about the law of attraction when you believe it really isn’t up to you anyway?
Alibis are a lazy person’s way of sitting back and waiting for life to happen. Complaining and feeling like the victim can be a huge distraction from finding out the real truth as to why you aren’t married. Your subconscious mind hears your limitations and creates exactly what you keep telling people you are experiencing…”not enough men,” “nowhere to find them,” “I am too old,” or even the famous “I haven’t met the right person yet” is backward facing and not propelling you forward into a new future.
When you are actively making changes and putting yourself out there, you don’t need alibis. There are no excuses because you are always looking within to see what is stopping the flow of love. Even if you feel that every stone has been overturned, you keep looking and learning until you get what you want. Of course, this process is most effectively done in a compassionate way knowing that every step is leading you exactly where you need to be.
Powerful love attractors are in motion and trust they are on the way to love. They don’t focus on how it hasn’t happen yet but have faith that meeting “the one” is just around the corner. So, the next time you get asked “What aren’t you married?” You can just say “My new boyfriend is coming in to my life any day now.” Your deep mind will create the world you weave through your words.
Even after years of being in a committed relationship I, too, am often asked, “Why aren’t you married?,” as if my relationship isn’t real until I get a paper signed by the State of New York anointing us an official couple. My Love Alibi was “Rob’s desire to NOT be married is stronger than my desire TO be married.” Inside though, I felt like I didn’t have a choice that Rob was the “decider.”
Instead of continuing to make excuses, I asked myself why I really wanted marriage. I came up with some surprising answers mostly based on ego and the fanfare of getting engaged. I knew that I didn’t need a certificate to prove our commitment. My desire really came down to me just wanting to have a big party and a pretty engagement ring. So, I told Rob that’s what I wanted and he said, “OK!” I didn’t want marriage really, just a party. I didn’t need my Love Alibi anymore either because I could now honestly tell people that we decided not to get married – I was the decider again.
Take a no-excuses approach to getting what you want and you will find that what you truly desire will find you. Write down on a piece of paper at the top “Why am I not married?” and free-write your answers until you run out of things to write down. You may be surprised as the real reason why you are single and can take immediate action to shift your own destiny.