Why are you attracting people who are not available for love?
Do you ask yourself, “Why am I attracting people who are not available for love or no one at all?” The reason isn’t bad online dating sites, your luck, your looks, age or the city you live in. The reason lies within you. You are getting the result in love that you secretly want. Of course, this reason is completely not conscious or you would have changed it already. No amount of positive thinking or visualization will help if you don’t find out the unconscious reason for your current results.
You get a benefit from the pattern of people you are attracting that serves you and, most of the time, it makes no logical sense but to the ego who is trying to protect you. You only get results that serve you in some way or you would not continue to create the pattern. Yes, surprisingly even what appears to be destructive results can serve you.
A common benefit that people get from being interested in someone who is not ready for love is to keep them at a safe distance from a real relationship. You can enjoy romantic feelings without the threat of getting too close. Although you consciously claim to want more, your results show your true unconscious intentions – stay away from a real relationship.
Here are some signs you are keeping people at a safe distance:
- Causing fights or looking for problems when things are about to go to next level in a relationship
- A pattern of long-distance relationships or people who are hung up on their ex and can’t commit to you
- Dating someone who wants to keep it casual
- Friends with benefits (including your ex)
- Dating people who are much older or younger than you
- Being highly-selective to the point of only Jesus or Buddah would make the grade
- Fantasizing about an ex that you will never get back
- Being interested in someone until they are interested in you and then you run
- Being uninterested in someone until they lose interest in you and then you suddenly like them
- Coming on too strong and needy to push them away
Why do we keep people at a safe distance? Well, we learn from our parents how close we can get to people through our relationship with them and witnessing their relationship with each other. Each of us has an individual “closeness threshold” that can vary with children brought up in the same home.
You can easily see your current closeness threshold by looking at your results. Notice the fear that comes up when people step beyond your comfort zone. Usually, you see it very clearly when someone is really interested and you back off because they freak you out with all their attention.
For years, I always wanted the one I could not have. I thought men were non-committal jerks, but I finally realized that I was the one who was non-committal. I discovered the unconscious source and pushed through my fear-barrier of opening my heart. This process gave me the courage to reduce my closeness threshold to allow Robert to step in to my life and into my heart.
The ego is keeping you at a safe distance because it is protecting you from something in your Love Shadow™ (which is unconscious). This pattern will run your love life until you make it conscious. Of course, this closeness threshold has many layers to it but you can start with one simple exercise.
Write down all the benefits you get from getting your current results in love. Keep writing until all the logical stuff comes through and then write anything that comes to mind no matter how ridiculous. A big surprise will pop out for you. If you can’t get an insight right away, just let it sit there because it will come to you.
Notice the patterns in your love life and take responsibility that you have the power to change them. You can begin by challenging yourself to get closer to everyone in your life. Pay attention to where you stop in fear when you need to communicate what you want or when someone is getting too close. They seem like opposite examples but they are connected.
You have the power to adjust your closeness threshold to allow a comfortable intimacy and find a true heart connection with your ideal partner. Trust the answer is within you to find love and love will find you.