Why anxiety about being single can be a good thing
For years when I struggled with finding love I used to get the advice from well-intentioned friends, “You’ll find someone when you stop looking for it.” I always responded back, “How do I stop looking for something I really want?” If you have heard this, you probably felt the same angst that I did as if everyone who was in a relationship had all the answers but the truth is that most of your friends probably have never been in your shoes. Maybe they were single for six months or less before they met their husband and of course it is easy “not to look” for that short amount of time. But, being alone for more than a year when you want a relationship can be a little more challenging to just relax about it.
When you let go, love can flow to you much easier. However, if you completely stop looking, it won’t find you either. You may transfer your energy into your career, let your body get out of shape and stop dating all together. Once you take yourself off the market, you get rusty, complacent and that just makes it harder to get back out there again. Sometimes this lasts years or even decades until the glimmer of hope that love will arrive one day completely diminishes. You weren’t meant to be alone.
Anxiety about being single can be a good thing if you don’t take it to the other extreme where you make bad, desperate choices or cling on and become needy with every guy (or gal) you meet. Think of your unsettled feeling as having a tiny pebble in your shoe sending a subtle reminder that being single isn’t what you want. In this unsettled feeling lies the deep desire to have a healthy romantic relationship. If you kill the anxiety, you kill the desire.
Of course, you will never completely rid yourself of anxiety around being single until you actually meet your true love. However, you do need to learn how to manage it so the feelings do not take over your judgment or drain your power. The best thing to do is use the energy to propel you to step outside of your comfort zone and do something that may generate a shift in your social environment where your true love can find you.
If you feel too uncomfortable, that means that you are probably trying to approach your love search the same way. I suggest you shake up what you are doing a bit and sign up for online dating, take a class or even be open to some blind dates from friends. These fresh activities may or may not lead you to love but the act of simply getting outside of the normal routine reorganizes the energy around your life so that new things can show up for you. You will also feel less anxious if you are doing something about your single life!
The next time you feel that familiar tension about being single; thank that part of you for reminding you of what you truly want. Don’t ever give up on having everything you desire. Your feelings are telling you that love is possible or you wouldn’t have the desire in the first place. If you see that anxiety as a nudging ally, you will realize that you have been on the same team all along.