Who is responsible for your single status?
In every single woman’s gal pal group, there is inevitably a conversation about the latest romantic tragedy. Whether it was the guy man who didn’t call or the guy who just broke your best-friend’s heart because he went back to his old girlfriend, the story has the same theme. There is always a victim and a perpetrator.
The victim is typically the lady who feels shut out from love. The perpetrator can be a man, society, the community she lives in or the parents for past childhood abuse or neglect. The lonely woman sees herself as powerless prey in the scary singles’ world trying to find her way to the safety of a man’s love. Impatiently waiting for some miracle of love that never seems to arrive, she resorts to complaining to her friends hoping that someday her ache will be understood and resolved. The victim never sees that she held the key to happiness all along.
The perpetrator is not society, men or her parents but darkest thoughts of her own mind. By not taking responsibility for her life, she will continue the cycle of heartache proving that she is right and the world has wronged her. The cause of her suffering is not the man, but the thoughts about his rejection. She doesn’t realize that no one can hurt her unless she gives them permission. She holds the key to her heart and, unfortunately, freely gives it away at every chance she gets.
Think about your last rejection. Is it the man’s problem that you liked him more than he liked you? Even if he was a manipulative jerk, he did not force you to give your heart away. There must have been a part of you that so wanted love that you were willing to give up any rational discrimination in order to experience a romantic connection. It is easy to blame others and be the victim, but that renders you powerless and more vulnerable for continued heartache.
As long as you believe that men have power over you, you will never be satisfied with yourself. Even if you do manage to catch a man for a long period of time, that relationship will be a never-ending internal battle of proving that you are good enough for him to stay. You will never be able to relax and always feel as if you are walking on glass around him so he will not leave you.
By taking responsibility and acknowledging that you are the one who gave away your heart, you can take it back. You can practice being more discerning over who is worthy of your beautiful heart. Think of your heart as a loving, newborn baby. You wouldn’t hand an innocent child over to any stranger on the street unless you trusted him. So, why wouldn’t you protect your heart the way you would protect a baby?
The reason women give their heart away so readily is because on some level they do not feel worthy enough of receiving love. The feel as though they have to convince the man that their love is good, but they are really trying to convince themselves. If that man returns the love, she will be okay. The man becomes her God.
The first step to taking back your power is acknowledging that you are in control of who you give your affection (whether consciously or subconsciously). If you have a pattern of rejections, look within yourself to discover the root belief that is preventing you from standing in your power. Some root beliefs sound like: I am not good enough, I am unlovable, I am ugly, I am old, I am fat, I am nothing, I am invisible and so on. By using self-hypnosis, you can retrain those beliefs and naturally keep your boundaries and become attracted to men who match more supportive ideas. You can really start to believe that you are the prize.
There is no guarantee that someone will love you or that you will stay together forever. Some of my greatest teachers were from men who dumped me. The important thing is that YOU love you and realizing that you have the power to begin again. We all get “do overs” in our love life until we get it right. Practice being your powerful, adorable self starting today and you will begin to see a different type of man surface – maybe even the love of your life.