Where do you stop and give up on love?
You say you will never go back to him or that you just won’t accept that last minute invitation again from him. You want to tell him its over or tell him you like him but the words just won’t leave your lips. Something inside of you stirs and you stop.
You have boundaries that you wouldn’t dare cross with others, but somehow you let them step all over you. You tolerate behavior because you don’t want to be alone, but you know deep in your heart what you need to do. You just can’t leave. You stop.
You see someone in a public place that is attractive. You notice no wedding ring and he’s looking at you and smiling. You want to smile back and walk over to say something but you just can’t move your feet or smile back. You justify your staying put because HE should be the one to approach you. Then, he walks out. You wonder why you stopped.
The comfort zone you created for yourself has kept you safe and worked for your current life situation. You have survived and thrived in some ways but you want more. You want a greater love relationship than your friends. You want a raise or a career that makes you happy. You make promises that this year everything is going to change for you, but it doesn’t. What makes you stop?
Love or anything new in your life is on the other side of fear. You hit a wall, a habitual limitation that shows up and your mind warns you not to cross that line. Your ego wants you to stay comfortable so it talks you out of anything risky, new or adventurous. You feel the desire, but this part of you makes you stop every time.
To break free you have to understand why you stop. Instead of retreating from the fear of rejection or someone getting mad at you, you face it. The only way to keep the fear alive is to continue to avoid anything that brings it up. This is where you stop.
Think back this week on something you wish you could have done differently. Get back to that moment where you stopped and close your eyes. Be there in the moment again. Feel the pressure to pull back and talk to the fear. “Hey, what are you doing to me over here?” (Imagine saying it in a Soprano’s voice to intimidate it a little if that helps). Then listen. What is the fear about?
After you get in touch with the feeling, then imagine doing what you really wanted to do in the first place. Remember, you are NOT afraid of the act, you fear what comes after it, the feedback or result from your action. As long as you live in fear of a result, you won’t step out. You will stop and shrink your life down to what is safe and manageable. You stop again and dig a deeper groove in the same old, same old.
Small and scared isn’t where you were meant to live. You are a creative being with imagination and unlimited potential. You have great love inside to share. By cowering to fear you deny the world of your magnificence. You deny a potential partner the opportunity to feel your heart and experience you.
The ego will stop you in all areas of life, especially in things that lead you to love. I see so many women stop just before they have a breakthrough or avoid doing a course because their ego is telling them that it is too expensive or that it won’t work. The ego loves to justify inaction with “rational thought” which is not totally logical. In actuality, the more fear you have when you want to join a program or work with a coach to change your life the better. That means that you are up to something BIG.
You need support to face these challenges because, if left to do it on your own, you will make excuses, put off what is uncomfortable and remain in the whirlpool of status quo. You will continue to go round and round and never getting anywhere but deeper down into your old patterns. I highly recommend getting a great coach to help you. Find someone who has what YOU want because they already know what it takes to get it. Whether it is finding love, building a business or losing weight, you will get where you want faster and easier with a guide. You coach won’t let you stop.
So, the next time you stop. Pause and take one more step forward. Get the help to take you over to the promised land. It could be that little step that can change your destiny.