We need to talk
WE NEED TO TALK….What goes through your mind when you hear those words? You may get a pit in your stomach as if you were about to hear bad news. The worse feeling arises when you are dating someone you really like and they tell you this. Usually, this statement is a precursor to “I met someone else,” “this isn’t working out for me,” “I need some space,” or the dreaded “it’s not you, it’s me” scenario.
Like everything else, our subconscious makes assumptions and creates stories about the future before the events happen. Our mind tends to jump to conclusions based on the worse-case-scenario and causes great anxiety. If have had a long pattern of heartbreak, you may always fear it would happen again. Often, people run away from love before a person has a chance to get to that point.
When you hear those words, “we need to talk,” it can create a wall inside poised to protect you. You may experience a part of you shutting down and not wanting to hear the rest of the conversation, dreading the worse. Sadly, for some people the wall comes up way before the “talk” through poor interpretation of what the other person is thinking. Instead of talking directly to the person you are in relationship with, you may often determine their intentions solely on passing words and actions. Friends feed you advice and you believe them instead of having a direct communication with your romantic partner.
Roberto said these words to me after we had been dating for a few weeks. He sat me down and starting telling me about his past, specifically a woman he was involved with prior to meeting me. Of course, my mind automatically thought, “I knew this was too good to be true, he’s going to go back with her!” But, unlike all the other times I heard those words, he didn’t want to leave. He continued to tell me that he was over her and wanted to let me know that he wanted us to be exclusive. He was asking if I felt the same way. You see, “we need to talk” doesn’t always have to be a bad thing!
If you haven’t experienced open, honest communication in your relationships in the past, it may be a stretch for you to feel comfortable in these moments. Know that this is your programmed reaction (an old habit), but you can change it by practicing being fully self-expressed with everyone in your life including your boss, your friends and family members. Letting go of the results of your communication will help you become more free and less imprisoned by your own fears of their reaction. By getting into a new pattern of allowing your inner walls to come down, you will be more prepared for true love and an incredible connection beyond what you thought was possible.
The next time you hear the words, “We need to talk,” you can think to yourself, “Great!” You have nothing to fear and no one to impress but yourself. Think of every communication as continued practice to remain in your power. Be open to feedback as well as an amazing, close communication with someone you care about. Every time you open up in this way, you are sending a strong message to the universe that you are ready for true emotional intimacy.