The best break-up ever
I was still single when I was pitching my first book at a writer’s conference. No matter where I was, I was on the lookout for my next boyfriend. As I stood in the registration line, my eyes went immediately to the best-looking guy in the room…as usual. Of course, we met, sparks flew and to top it off, he was a literary agent.
We had a long-distance fling and my mind was in a delusion that it was actually a real relationship that was going to lead to marriage, kids and a major book deal. I even knew from the first night I met him that he was a player, but he had me at hello and I couldn’t say goodbye.
We weren’t exclusive, but we spoke almost every day and he would feed me the lines I wanted to hear and believe. There was a part of me that knew he was wrong, but the lonely part of me just couldn’t let go. I felt like I was under a spell, he was a great manipulator.
The draw to him was uncanny as I felt like I was split personality, watching myself from outside saying, “What the heck are you doing, Debi?” I realized that no matter how much work I did on myself, this old part of me was hanging on to my old dating habits and wasn’t going to let go easily. I was in love with the dream and disconnected from reality.
Two powerful forces were at work. My divine self, knowing I deserved more, and the old me who felt insecure. My divine self won. I picked up the phone and told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and proclaimed these powerful words, “I want a real relationship!”
The best break-up ever wasn’t easy. The forces of my old limited self were still nipping at my heels. I had to change his name on my phone to “Very Bad Man” so when he called to try to reel me back in, I would remember he wasn’t the one. After about a week or so, the old self lost her power and my new powerful self was finally breaking through and settling in for a new future.
We often think that the process of self-development takes a long time. We work on ourselves tirelessly and still end up in the same place of doubt. It feels like you will never meet the person because you have SO much stuff to get through, but you aren’t conscious of the seeds that have already been planted. You are farther along than you think. Your big transformation can be just about making a decision to let go.
I not only broke up with this guy but I also broke up with my old self. Shortly after, I met Roberto – my true love and a real relationship. Within a few months I made my first television appearance which led to my first book deal. (No, I used another literary agent – a woman). One decision led to a major change that literally happened overnight.
I truly feel like agent-guy was an angel from heaven. He was sent to me to show me how to love myself. He had to be so bad to finally snap me out of my old ways. He forced me to finally take a stand and break the cycle of heartache. I am so grateful for his precious gift in my life, he gave me the space to find Roberto.
What or who do you need to let go of to finally let love in?