Singles…what comes natural to you?
We all have our special gifts and talents that come natural to us. Whether it is getting good grades, being skilled in a sport, doing something highly creative in drawing or dancing, it seems effortless to do the things that we do extremely well. In the areas in which we struggle, it seems as though we will never learn and beat ourselves up for taking so darn long to get into the right groove.
This is how I felt about love. I found it surprising that it was so easy for my friends to get married in their twenties, stay married and happy without any drama in their relationships. I also wondered why some women can easily slip from one relationship to the next without skipping a beat while my time between romances seemed like an eternity. How did they make love so easy for them?
I thought that maybe they had a better body, more attractive features, a better personality and that is why they had a man and I didn’t. So I kept working on myself and became even more frustrated. After I tried to make myself more appealing by following all the rules of conduct, my love life still wasn’t working. By the time I reached thirty, I thought that maybe there was something about me that was simply undesirable and I wasn’t meant to be in a relationship after all.
What I realized over the years was that loving myself in relationships was not natural for me. I admired people who could say what they wanted, easily keep their boundaries, and expect the best from their partners. Whenever I made an attempt to do that my voice would quiver or I would retreat before I even opened my mouth. It felt so strange and difficult to just feel worthy of being treated well by a man.
The mistake I made was that I thought my low self-confidence with men was permanent. I blindly believed that I could only change the outside. I attempted to make my external appealing enough to cover up the crap of how I truly felt about myself. I was terrified of actually getting into a relationship and having to keep up the act for the rest of my life. After decades of soul-searching, I discovered that a better approach was to find a way to be naturally confident and really believe deep inside that I can experience a lasting, healthy relationship.
If love doesn’t come easy for you, changing your beliefs about love is just like learning a new language. You feel overwhelmed at first, but you take one word at a time and slowing get the hang of it. It may be natural for you to put yourself down every day, immediately think of the worst case scenario when a guy doesn’t call you back after a date, or jump in bed too quickly with Mr. Wrong. Just because you made it a habit, and probably reinforced that habit over decades, doesn’t mean that is who you are. It is just who you learned to be and you can learn to be a woman or man who is adored in relationships.
You are not destined to walk the world alone. The only difference between those who are “lucky in love” and those who are not is their mindset around love. They are not better than you, prettier than you, more spiritually-evolved than you or more lovable than you. Relationships come easy for them but other areas may be their challenge such as struggling with money, their weight, their connection to spirit, their health or something else. Nobody goes through life without challenges.
Saying a few affirmations or clearing away uncomfortable emotions is only dealing with the symptoms and those techniques do not effectively get you naturally in the groove to attract love. I know because I tried to do all those things and I kept returning back to my old default. To become naturally confident and successful in love, you must change the root of your thinking on the subconscious level.
The subconscious mind is flexible and changeable. By imagining yourself in love, flooding your mind with thoughts that support your desire and engaging the emotion that love is already yours, you are retraining your mind to think differently. It only takes 30-90 days to shift the subconscious and then you will naturally, effortlessly think the thoughts of those who are lucky in love.
When you become naturally in the love-zone, you don’t have to worry about silly dating rules. You effortless act the way that is appealing to your love interest and are automatically repelled by the ones who would mistreat you. There is less anxiety and second guessing yourself and you have a calm inner knowing of the right action that will lead to your love destiny. Being in love will become natural and easy for you.
Even if you didn’t come out of the box love-ready, you can rewrite the patterns of thinking that got you where you are today and change them to become the woman or man in lasting, blissful love you truly are. The only limitation you have to find your true love rests within your own mind.