Single & Motherless on Mother’s Day
As Mother’s Day approaches, many single women are struggling with their childless existence. If you have never been married and between the ages of 35 and 45, dating may be more challenging if you want a baby. The goals to have a child can make the mating game a time-sensitive search and take the romance out of finding the one. Here are some tips to help you find a great partner while reducing the anxiety to make it happen on a time table.
- Relax. I know you are thinking it is impossible to relax about your predicament, but worrying about spending your life alone and childless isn’t going to help you. In fact, just thinking about it all time helps you stay stuck in your current situation. You create what you think. There are other laws (besides the law of attraction) including the Law of Reverse Effect. This law states that the harder you try to get a certain result, the opposite is created. This is also why many women find it difficult to conceive when they are ready to start a family.
- Be open to different possibilities of being a mother. Would you be okay being a step-mom to a future partner’s children or adoption if you don’t find the right one before your deadline? I am not saying you should give up, but sometimes having alternatives can relieve the tension of forcing it to happen. Jennifer Lopez is starring in the new movie, “The Backup Plan” and she portrays a woman getting IVF and then meets her dream guy that same day. Love always shows up when you let go and are open to it.
- Focus on what you do want. If you want a husband and children, visualize it every day. Really feel as though it is possible. Just like I said earlier, you create your life through your thoughts and you get what you focus on.
- Even if it hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean that you could not meet your ideal partner today. Unlike working out, losing weight, and saving money, the process of finding love is something you cannot measure or sense that you are getting closer to it. One day you are single and the next you are with your new love…without warning. Keep a fresh perspective every day and hope for the best.
- Ask yourself why you want children so bad. Write a list down of all the ways your life would change if you have children. You may notice that when you look at the reasons objectively, something may jump out at you that you never realized before. For example, some people want children to feel okay about themsleves, fit into society, get approval from parents, etc. Make sure you really want to be a mother instead of trying to fix a part of you that you perceive is broken.
- Date men that are good husband material. One of the biggest complaints I hear from single women is that a man is too boring. He is really nice, but boring. I’d prefer boring over someone who is the fun guy partying out and never home to take care of the baby. Sometimes men are boring because they are shy, but open up tremendously when you get to know them. Give the nice guys more than one or two dates and really get to know them before you pass judgment.
- Don’t settle or rush into marriage just to get pregnant. This is the worst thing you can do for yourself and your unborn child. Your first priority should be a healthy relationship to build a solid foundation for the care of your children. Sadly, I work with way too many young women with mothers who have been married multiple times and suffer tremendous self-esteem issues. Many times they grow up and continue the pattern of unhealthy relationships. Your child deserves two great parents.
- Don’t give away your power because you want a kid. Can you image getting a pitch from a salesman who desperately needs you to buy his product? You can bargain away with him, have him reduce the price and get a great deal. Do not bargain your power away to any man or you will learn to regret it. Make your dating decisions as if you have all the time in the world to find love.
- Use mind repatterning meditations daily. My Creative Mind Repatterning mediations are a thousand times the power of affirmations because the trance, relaxed state of mind allows the mind to be more receptive to new ideas. Either use a recorded audio or write a list of ten messages stated in the positive to say to yourself every morning when you wake-up. You are automatically in a trance state when you first wake up and when you drift off to sleep. This is the optimal time to reprogram your mind. After 30 days, you should start to see a shift in your thinking.
- Avoid hanging around people that make you feel bad about being single. Yes, this includes dear old mom. Surround yourself with friends who support and love you and only have the highest expectations for you. Positive people will lift your spirits and also influence your subconscious mind that love is possible.
Lastly, remember that you are in charge of your life. You create your experience through your thoughts, both conscious and subconscious. Look within to see what blocks are stopping you from getting the love you want and you may find that your love arrives just in time.