Single? Maybe you need to adjust your standards.
Remember when you dated someone really good on paper, but felt no chemistry? You find faults in him that you just couldn’t live with and convince yourself that he isn’t the one. Then, you meet a handsome charmer who sweeps you up in romantic bliss for a brief interlude only to dump you when the next best thing swings by him. Left dejected and alone again, you wonder if you are ever going to find the right fit.
When I look back at all the years of dating (covering two decades and lots of dates), I realized that there were so many men who could have made great partners for me. Unfortunately, at the time when our paths crossed I was not in the right mindset for them. I let some great guys get away because of my own misaligned ideas of what true love really felt like.
I wondered why I lowered my values for the bad boys and increased my standards for the men that truly wanted a relationship. When a nice guy did something small to disappoint me, I was quick to kick him to the curb. The womanizer always seems to get away with so much. I put up with his last-minute cancellations and his infidelity because I was IN LOVE. I could have prevented many lonely years if I had only lowered my standards for the nice guys.
What I learned is that there are so many available nice guys that want a relationship, but the problem is that I didn’t choose them. Making excuses of their slight imperfections, I was subconsciously avoiding love because I didn’t feel worth of that adoration. I preferred the surface romance that was filled with drama not realizing that I was faking the motions of looking for love in people who would not love me back. On the surface it may seem painful, but on the deep level it was a protecting me from the unfamiliar experience of a healthy relationship.
Now many reading this may wonder if I am suggesting that they should lower their standards and settle for just any nice guy. Absolutely not! I believe everyone deserves great love, but most seek the temporary drama rather than a healthy partnership. Changing your standards of what a loving connection is rather than the fantasy of passionate chemistry, will open the doors to give the good guys a chance.
Unfortunately, many women do not even know what to look for in a healthy relationship because they never had one. I have to admit that I had no clue what being truly loved would feel like by someone who was also committed, fun, sexy, spiritual, deep and interesting. I believed that the fun guys were non-committal and the nice ones were boring. My friends even told me that I was looking for a needle in a haystack, but I did find him to their amazement (and mine!).
I never lowered my standards but changed my expectations of my ideal package. I opened up my options to date a little older, learned to love his quiet, more serious demeanor and didn’t freak out when he gave me a beautiful poem on our second date. I gave him a chance when he would have not passed previous initial screenings solely on his age. I was open to something new and he turned out to be the best thing I could ever imagine.
If you feel stuck as if nothing is working, test out changing up your standards. Stop giving so much leeway to the jerks and give the ones who are interested in dating you a chance. Don’t worry, you will not have to settle for an ugly, boring guy. You may find that the one you used to pass on offers just the kind of love you deserve. You get to have it all when you are brave enough to receive the love that has always been waiting for you.
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