Settling? Why you shouldn’t just “Marry Him”
There is a lot of controversy around Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Of course, I have my opinions on this subject. The author is a journalist and did some research on what women are looking for in a long-term relationship and came to the conclusion that women are just too picky. This is a great realization and I have seen it myself in my own practice. While it is good advice to tell women to lower their standards in some areas, there is a larger issue at hand here.
My biggest beef with most dating books is that they tell the women what they are doing wrong and say “just change that.” A single woman who reads these books is now more knowledgeable about her issues but that information just sits on the surface of her conscious mind. To add to the dilemma, many women devour all these books and get mad at themselves because now they know better but still continue the behavior. In order for anyone to make real change in their love life, the change has to occur on the subconscious level.
The reason women are so picky is that they really don’t want a relationship on the deep level. They use extreme lists to build a wall to keep potential husbands away. Just cutting back on the list and settling isn’t the answer, they need to get to the root of why they are refusing to allow love in their lives. Their blocks to love are not logical and reside deep within their subconscious mind.
My new best-selling book, “Let Love In: Open Your Heart & Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner” (Wiley) addresses this very issue. Throughout life your subconscious mind drives your experience in life based on what it has learned in the past. In relationships, your early childhood interpretations of love impact all of your romantic interactions. You will continue to repeat the same dating patterns unless you change your subconscious beliefs around accepting love into your life.
By using daily self-hypnosis, which is just a simple guided relaxation exercise, you can retrain your subconscious to be in alignment with a healthier partnership. You won’t have to settle for Mr. Good Enough because you can attract Mr. Amazing. Instead of reworking your list, I recommend a more effective approach – change your inner mind to accept love.
Single into my forties, I rejected every nice guy and was drawn to the bad boys. It was easy for me to dismiss the nice guys because of a minor flaw but I didn’t hesitate to lower my standards when I was wildly attracted to someone. It wasn’t about my list, but about my emotional availability for a loving relationship.
Once I changed my subconscious mind, I easily attracted an incredible man who is everything on my list (and more). I am so glad I didn’t settle because in the end I got the grand prize. My friends told me that I was looking for a needle in a haystack and they couldn’t believe I found him. Please do not settle for less than you deserve and learn to allow the nice, amazing guy into your life.