Power of Honesty In Relationships
This is a big topic because we all want to believe that we are honest people. We have good intentions, play by the rules and try not to hurt anyone. But when it comes to pure honesty, many of us falter. It is only human because we were all conditioned to lie.
When we hide our true feelings, we often think that we are protecting another person from hurt. We gloss over truths or just avoid confrontation altogether. Most of us were taught that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
I felt this way once when I was dating someone who really liked me. He was a very handsome guy but about ten years younger. I just didn’t feel the same way about him but kept stringing him along and telling him I wasn’t sure because I didn’t want to hurt him. I just hoped he would give up on me and go away. I wanted to avoid telling him the truth.
I remember a teacher telling me that what I was doing was not very nice, and that my behavior was actually very mean. She challenged me to tell him my true feelings. I called him up and said, “I am sorry I have been lying to you. I just don’t think we are meant to be together.” Instead of him being mad or hurt he said, “Thank you for your honesty. That is all I needed to hear. Now I know where I stand and can finally move on.” A load had been lifted off of both of us with no hard feelings.
The reason you steer away from the truth is that you are assuming they are going to react the same way you would. If you get hurt when someone doesn’t call or says he’s not interested, then you will shy away from doing that to someone else. You secretly hold a grudge as to why he just wouldn’t call back, but you may often do the same in other areas of your life.
We take things personally when someone doesn’t like us and don’t want to face that pain. We try to buffer ourselves from that hurt by pretending, avoiding and even outright lying. The subconscious doesn’t know the difference between you and others. It makes assumptions based on your programming. If you hold back from dishing the truth out, you have something inside that is also resisting receiving honest feedback as well.
The sad part is that no one really gets close to you when you are lying. They only see a façade of who you are. If you act like the nice girl but hold grudges about doing something inside, you are not being very nice. You deny others of your truth and if they like you it isn’t the true you, so what’s the point? You end up just attracting fake friends who like your persona.
The need for honesty is the main reason relationships fail or why people unconsciously reject them. There is only so much surface talk you can do and dancing around the truth until you get tired of each other. This is the feeling that you get in a relationship when you feel something is missing.
If you hide your feelings as a habit, you will always attract men (or women) who do the same. You will have chemistry with those who match your level of comfort when it comes to speaking the truth. Your relationship will be hot at first but you will both shy away when it is time to have some real conversations.
Being able to openly confront your true feelings with power takes a lot of courage, especially if you were taught the opposite. Every fiber of your being may be pulling you back to safety, but once you start the process, honesty becomes easier and liberating.
Think about someone you need to confront with the truth. What feelings arise inside of you when you think of actually telling them your true feelings? Many times it is a deep feeling of fear. The little you views the other person as a threat to your safety, and the imagined intimidation makes you want to shrink back and avoid confrontation.
Facing a fear is like being a little kid afraid to look under the bed because of the monster that hides there. As an adult, you can see that it was just a myth and you are no longer afraid to peak under the bed. Just like the deeper parts of yourself, you may avoid the truth within because you fear what lies beneath the surface.
You can start with small truths first before you build your way up to big talks with parents or relatives who have hurt you. I started with my younger man and that gave me the courage to contact my Dad a few hours later.
You can also practice saying the truth in a meditation and face the person in your mind. This will help you desensitize the fear and the subconscious believes it is actually happening. For some people, this imaginary confrontation is all they needed to break an unhealthy relationship pattern.
Of course, the most powerful act is to be honest externally. By breaking through my fear, I was able to get closer to others and more intimately love myself. A deeper heart opening occurred which led me to meet Roberto a few weeks later.
If you do nothing else, practicing honesty with yourself and others is the most self-loving activity you can experience. The harshest judge in your life is yourself. No one can hurt you without your agreement. Be fearless in your communication and open your heart. This is the path to true, authentic love and unlimited power to face anything in life. The fear of honesty may be the reason why you avoided true partnership all of these years and it is your time to become free and open up to the love that has been waiting for you.
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