Post-breakup: Getting over your ex
Unless you met your true love in high school, there is probably a good chance that you have felt the blow of rejection in your dating life. Heartache seems to be part of the love-finding process, a rite of passage so to speak. I get emails every day from women and men who are pining for their old love, they can’t get him or her out of their mind. Helpless, they feel as though they will never be happy again unless that person comes back into their life. It is always the same story; the person they are holding on to simply doesn’t love them back.
I hear the excuse from some of my customers, “I cannot let go because I LOVE him!” To put it quite bluntly, if you have feelings for an ex who doesn’t reciprocate it is not love…it is infatuation. If you truly loved this person you would want him or her to be happy regardless of whether it was with you or not. Wanting someone who doesn’t want you back is a reflection of your own lack of self-love. In essence, the strong feelings you have toward your ex is more about your ego trying to feel better about you again. The mind tries to fool you into believing that your ex holds the key to your self-worth and happiness.
Regardless of the kind of connection you once shared or deep conversations you had during your courtship, you have to face the reality of what is occurring in the present. Looking back to justify your feelings of “the way we were” is another way your mind will keep you from letting go and moving on to someone who wants to be with you. Frequently, women and men use their pain over a breakup to hide out from real love as a sort of comfort zone. The dull ache and longing is more predictable and safe rather than the risk of finding something true.
Don’t be too hard on yourself if this applies to you because I know from personal experience how difficult it is to let go. The conditioned human mind has a strong influence over your feelings and actions. Humans constantly have mistaken external people and things as the source of their happiness and self-worth. The most difficult emotional habits to break involve romantic attachments. You can only attract true love if you release ties from your ex completely.
The good news is that there is a way to be free of Mr. or Ms. Wrong and move on. First, acknowledge that what you are feeling is not true love. Believe it or not, this is a huge step! Then, find a way to build your own confidence and self-love so that you can let go emotionally and be open to attract someone who absolutely adores you. The key to finding true love is that you must adore yourself first.
To begin the journey of self-love, remember that everything you do and think speaks to your subconscious about your value. When you step away from a painful relationship, you are telling yourself that you deserve more. Surround yourself with experiences and people who lift you up. Make a commitment to yourself to take care of you. Make a clean break and stop spending time with your ex and his/her friends. Stop calling, texting, emailing him or her so you can fully heal. With every self-loving action and thought, you naturally build your confidence and avoid future heartbreakers.
Once the tipping point occurs when you cross over to self-love consistently, you will easily attract an amazing life partner. I call reaching that point turning on your Love Switch™ and shining the green light for true love. You have the power to shift your love destiny and it isn’t dependent on Mr. Wrong returning your phone call. It is completely up to you.