Playing hard to get is NOT a good strategy for love
You know that dating advice that tells you to play hard to get to keep him or her interested. They warn you not to share too much about yourself too soon or you will scare them away. These strategies may help you play a game, but what you will get is only another player. Playing hard to get won’t lead you to love.
I used to think that men left because I acted too needy or was too available for them. Hmm, maybe because every dating advice book tells you that it is YOUR fault that they left. I would listen to my girlfriends give me their wise advice on how to play the rules and followed their guidelines.
No matter what game I played, I never felt comfortable just being myself. I was afraid of letting them see the real me with all of my perceived faults, so I hid behind a more confident, cool and life of the party persona. The mask kept me safe from letting someone see inside, but also kept a wall around my heart. Changing behavior to playing cool only led me to those who were also hard to get – the unavailable ones.
If you pretend to be cool and aloof so you can “get the guy,” the deeper part of you creating the neediness is still active and will still draw in mates who reinforce the unlovable lie that you believe about yourself.
Since we fit together like puzzle pieces, I would attract men who had the same wall and same unconscious fears about getting close to someone. The truly confident men who wanted a real relationship were looking for someone authentic, not a party girl with her walls up.
The behavior of neediness or over-availability is not the cause of why men or women leave you. The behavior is the effect of a deeper self-belief that you need love from an outside source. The other person is put on a pedestal as if they can give you something that you lack.
Unfortunately, many people seek partners to fill a void, to feel good enough and to feel loved. People will do anything to cover up their insecurities, especially creating a false dating persona.
Creating a false persona does not lead to love. You cannot manipulate someone to love you with your behavior and personality. You will always match up with someone on a deep unconscious level of how you truly feel about yourself. I know it sounds cliché, but YOU have to find the love within first to experience love in another.
When you play hard to get, you are playing with players and you will be played. The act can only last so long until the real you surfaces. The player moves on and you are left wondering what you did wrong with a stronger desire to play a better game next time.
Many systems in the personal development industry have implied that being the real you isn’t okay either. They tell you to heal or fix those insecurities, negative thoughts and anger to be better at life. You have to be positive, confident, up-beat and emotionally stable. This message leads to creating another false persona, another way to play the game to look good, grounded, healthy and spiritual so others will like you.
The real you, with all his or her insecurities, worries, anger, frustrations, love, joy, silliness, dorkiness and heart is all wonderful just as it is. Embrace those parts of you out without judgment. It is easy to love the “nice” parts of us, but more challenging to love the other parts.
By loving those other parts instead of pushing them into the shadow, you will draw in someone who loves all of you too. You will see beyond your persona and shadow to the divine essence of your true nature. No games, no pretending, and someone you can finally be yourself with and relax into lasting love.