Managing Your Expectations in Dating
Susan was excited about her date that evening. She spoke to Brian a few times on the phone and felt an instant connection. She called her girlfriends and her mom to announce that she finally had a date with a guy that could be the one. She arrived at the restaurant in her new black pants and silk top that she purchased at the mall earlier in the day for the special occasion of meeting Brian for the very first time. After three phone calls, they arranged the date at a posh downtown restaurant to meet. In the car drive over, she daydreamed about them returning to the same restaurant one year later celebrating the first date year anniversary. Her excitement turned to fear as she walked up to the hostess. Her stomach tightened with nervousness knowing the time of truth is at hand. Her heart pounded as the hostess escorted her to the table where Brian was sitting. She took one look at him and her heart sunk. She faked a smile as she thought about the long evening ahead with this man that was not her type.
The source of all upsets in our lives is simply in our expectations. In dating, we have expectations that the date will be polite, handsome and pick up the check. Our expectations may even escalate to imagine that they will sweep us off our feet and we will fall passionately in love. Unfortunately, this type of date is very rare. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to give up on finding “him,” but in letting go of our expectation of how and when he shows up.
If Susan would look at the evening as meeting a new friend, an entirely different scenario may have occurred. She would have been more laid back, enjoyed the evening with Brian (even if he wasn’t her type) and might have become good friends with him. Who knows? Brian could have a cute friend that she liked more a few months down the line. Instead, like most of us, if something (or someone) doesn’t turn out the way we expect, we shut our minds off from other possibilities.
Managing our expectations is a great way to be free from emotional upsets in dating. When you feel someone hurt you, go back and analyze what you were expecting to happen. Did you expect him to leave his girlfriend after he told you he loved you? Did you expect a commitment after you slept together? Did you expect that he would spend every Saturday evening with you? Did you expect he would be faithful even though he cheated on his wife with you? Most people like to blame the other person for their upset, when they should look within to see if it was simply a mismanagement of their expectations.
Being conscious of your thoughts and expectations in any situation helps you manage them more effectively. If you find that you are worried about the same things or falling into the same type of destructive dating patterns, you may need to do some self-hypnosis to change your thinking on the subconscious level. Most of your expectations were probably programmed in your subconscious at an early age with opinions of others and expectations they placed upon you. You may then project those expectations on to others and continue to pattern of being the victim.
You have freedom to choose who you spend time with and how they treat you. Accept circumstances and people for who they are, and you can decide if you want that experience or person in your life. Keep your expectations in check without going into negativity. For example, do not expect bad things to happen either (like you are never going to get married). There is a delicate balance between setting an intention (using the law of attraction) and having an expectation. Set your intention for the best but keep your expectations open to what ever shows up. You may find that the man who appears far exceeds any expectation that you ever had anyway.