Is self-love the answer to finding a partner?
When I was single, I heard the same advice repeatedly, “You just have to love yourself.” The problem with the idea of self-love is what “self” are they referring to? Is it my ego or my true divine nature that I should love?
The popular solutions for self-love are helping you build a better ego. They tell you to think positive, get rid of negative thoughts and believe in yourself. You can tell yourself that you are beautiful, amazing, awesome and lovable and you can attract a more loving partner. This “ego-fluffing” may help you to get more dates or more attention at first, but you still have to deal with the unconscious mind.
When I was more positive and had great “energy”, I did meet a lot more men. This does work. I got quantity, but the quality of men were still the same – none of them were available for a relationship. I didn’t realize that by building the “I am perfect and positive” persona, I also created the shadow of the opposite – the Debbie Downer that I was rejecting.
I knew my positive persona was an act and I was just trying to cover up my deep insecurities. The rejections only drove me to think I had to be MORE positive and confident or I would never get anyone to love me. My so-called self-love was really self-hate.
True self love isn’t about having the perfect persona and trying to be so darn positive all the time. Self-love isn’t about loving your ego only when life is good and you are getting good results. To truly love yourself, you must realize that you are more than just your surface self, that you are not just an ego but have a higher divine nature.
When you can relax and just be you without trying to impress, get approval or look good, that is self-love. You stop putting everyone in the world on a pedestal above you and start seeing yourself as divinely perfect regardless of what others’ think or do.
Self-love means to drop the inner judge of yourself and others. By the yardstick that you measure others, you measure yourself. If you find it hard to accept yourself, a good practice is to have compassion for others when they don’t act their best. Most of what people do is to defend themselves, not to hurt you.
See people beyond their masks and know they are all just like you, a person who desires to be happy. As you see the divine in them, you will see the divine in you. That is the path to self-love and true love that is irresistible.