How to let go of your love report card
You know the story. You have read the books and been to workshops galore. You had the healing and the breakthroughs and feel liberated and ready for love. You fall for the next guy or girl that comes along, thinking this is it. But…it isn’t. After your heart breaks again, you wonder when you will ever graduate from personal growth and get it right.
I was a big overachiever. I always got the best grades in class, handed in my homework first and excelled in everything except gym. I was a brain, not an athlete, and I was fine with being picked last for the team. I knew I sucked at kickball and made peace with that.
When it came to racing my friends to the altar, I was dead last. So, I decided to dive into personal development and apply my brainpower to figure out why I was still single. I learned the deep philosophies and complexities of family dynamics. If there were a written test, I would have aced it.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like school. You just cannot study your way to enlightenment, it is something you have to practice. The difficult part is that there is no graduation and you can be at a certain level and fall back ten steps like you were in kindergarten again.
You give yourself an A when they call you and an F when you fall for the wrong one. The problem is that when things go wrong, you think YOU are wrong and that something is broken. The good news is that you can let go of the spiritual report card and surrender to being exactly where you are without judgment.
Instead of the stair-step approach to measuring your success in love or life, you can think of personal growth as a circular approach like the bulls-eyes on a target. The center is your divine self, the place of peace, wisdom and love. The outer circles are the distance from your own center. The further you move out from your spiritual center, the more pulled into the world and less energy you have.
When you feel worried, down or upset, you have just forgotten your spiritual center. I call it “spiritual amnesia” and everyone has it. Frankly, some people live in that space their entire life. Since you are on a personal growth quest, you are harder on yourself because you think you should have known better. What you are feeling is just the difference between being centered and out of balance.
The key to love is to be in that center 51% of the time, not thinking that you have a long way to go and that there are many steps ahead. Just because a relationship fails doesn’t mean that you are starting over, but sometimes it is the necessary step just before you meet an amazing partner. The more you stay in your spiritual center, the easier it becomes and the closer you allow true love in to your life.
When something occurs outside that seems unpleasant, you can watch yourself stray from your spiritual center and give that external person or event more power than it deserves. You feel vulnerable and weak out there with that situation and desperately try to fix out there so you can feel better.
Instead of waiting for your “life to turn around,” you can move back into your center and be at peace regardless of what is happening out there. You can stop judging yourself on your accomplishments or lack of a partner and realize that you are already perfect just the way you are. You let go of the report card and realize you already graduated.
To find your spiritual center, just remember that the peace is already within you. The thoughts in your mind are actually causing a disturbance from that peace. Your mind will tell you how things should be or how wrong you are or compare yourself to others. In difficult times, allow yourself to find a quiet place and go inside. Focus on your breath and find your center. It is always waiting for you, ready to love and support you just a breath away.