How to let go of not feeling good enough in dating and life
Ever feel not good enough in relationships? Yes, we all have. Actually, every human on every single day is faced with this idea. Some believe this is a sign of low self-esteem but it is a normal part of being human.
We all have been conditioned to get external validation for our value and worth. From the time we will young, we were praised when we talked, learned to walk, behaved and how smart we were in school. When we made a mistake, we were given a look, a swat on the back and sometimes criticized or ridiculed. Ah, the joys of childhood.
No matter how confident men or women appear, as adults the comparison game is still going on within their minds. Except for some cultures that fully embrace eastern philosophy, everyone has been taught to believe that their success and failures reflect their true value.
The only reason people feel not good enough is because they are comparing themselves to someone or something. This is not just an isolated idea. There has to be something external to compare to in order to make this judgment. For example, there has to be something appealing about being a couple in order to feel not good enough because you are single or because someone didn’t return interest in you.
The “not good enough” is only real in your own mind and you give things or situations the importance they hold. You see through others’ eyes reflecting back at you about what you believe, not what they are actually thinking. Sure, culturally we have certain collective values that dictate these measuring rods but (as your mom used to say) just because everyone jumps off the bridge, does it mean you have to?
Here is the absolute cure for feeling not good enough. According to the law of polarity, one thing cannot exist without its exact opposite at the same time. We teach the shadow in this concept. The persona/ego creates an image and the shadow opposite is then suppressed unconsciously. They are both there taking up energy inside of you and tie you to the world in ways that make you unhappy.
Some people think that the opposite of not good enough is good enough, but that isn’t it a full opposite. Good enough just brings you to neutral. The complete opposite is “I am better.” You have to let go of both “more than” and “less than” in order to be free.
When you find love or make a lot of money, you aren’t going to better than anyone else and, when you are single and broke, you are not less than anyone else. Those circumstances are very superficial human experiences. The truth is that beyond the human ego, there is a divine, powerful part of you that is unchanging.
In the shadow work that Robert and I teach, this is exactly how powerful a simple shift in perspective can change your life. You don’t have to heal “not good enough” or pamper your childhood wounds, because frankly it is a by-product of the ego mind. The way to be free is to see behind the ego-self and release the shadow. Remember that everyone is divine and perfect and the same on the deepest level regardless of their actions.
Practice: Watch how you judge circumstances in your life over the next week and practice seeing everyone as the same regardless of their income, dress, looks and personality. When you see someone you used to judge as “less than” as equally divine as you, you will also let go of the false belief that those who seem to be more fortunate in the game of life are better than you.
An easy place to start is online dating. Go through the profiles and you will notice how your mind is measuring everyone up for an appropriate match. You label the ugly, the fat, the old, the poor, the rich, the educated, the uneducated, the dorky, the hot and the arrogant. Imagine all the men or women as divine like you. They are looking for love just like you. When you stop judging others, you stop fearing others judging you.
Letting go of both sides of the polarity, like two sides of a coin, is the only thing that will give you a lighter heart and free mind. Of course, you can desire certain qualities in a mate but you don’t have to judge those who aren’t a match either as bad, wrong, less than or even more than you when they don’t like you back.
When you realize that there is nothing you can do to take away or build up your value. You are free of the puppet strings of trying to measure up and you can draw in a partner from a deeper place, without need and without fear. You can live more open-hearted and it feels so awesome to fully express the truth of your amazing self without judgment.
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