Finding Love When You Hate to Date
There are some people who LOVE to date. They love meeting new people and adore getting attention from the opposite sex. They are on the online dating sites looking for their next fling or trolling the bars for the next Mr. or Ms. Right Now. Most of you probably don’t fall into that category. Whether you have been on the dating circuit for a while or have refused to participate at all, if you hate to date you may need to open your eyes to a new way of looking at this necessary exercise on the path to true love.
Regardless of what type of dater you are – a non-dater or serial dater – if you hate to date, you are missing out on a major relationship learning experience. From the point you email a person online or have a random conversation in a social setting, you have begun a relationship. Now, some of these experiences last a few minutes, some weeks and longer but you can learn a lot about yourself and how you handle yourself with the opposite sex.
Here are some benefits to dating:
1. Getting outside of your comfort zone. When you refuse to date you are depriving yourself of an incredible growth opportunity. You push beyond old boundaries that kept love away in the past when you face your fears of rejection and being loved. If you don’t date, you will simply kick the can down the road avoiding interaction with the potential mates and make excuses for why you are still single.
2. Building Your Love Muscle. I know, this sounds a little kinky for those with dirty minds, but I am talking about opening your heart muscle. Dating can help you work out the kinks in your communication skills so that you are prepared for the real thing when it happens. You don’t want to go cold turkey into a dream relationship without a little preparatory practice.
3. Learning to let go of results. In any relationship, you have to give up control over what the other person feels whether you are dating for a few weeks or married for twenty years. Dating is a great way to become conscious of where you are still seeking approval from a person and exposes those buttons that keep you out of balance with your heart and head.
4. Expediting the arrival of your true love. If you aren’t dating, you aren’t going to meet the one. I’m sorry but your dream partner isn’t going to show up on your doorstep with a bright, shiny bow with a sign that says “I’m the one.” You have to go amongst the three dimensional people so he or she can find you. By taking action, you actual send a strong message to the universe that you are serious about finding love and people, circumstances and events will be transformed around you to fit your new intention.
5. Releasing the pressure of HOW. If you aren’t dating, your mind will panic and keep wondering how true love is going to happen for you. As you date, you can find comfort in that you are doing something to make your love life move forward and while in action your belief that love is around the corner will increase for you.
Of course, there is the opposite end of the spectrum when you may be over-dating like I was. I used to love to date and I dated a lot. I did this because I wasn’t really clear and consistent in what I wanted in a partner. I wanted a spiritual guy but would settle to date the unconscious hot man because he was sexy and fun. If I had used dating as a learning experience, I would have noticed the pattern of my behavior and made the appropriate adjustments to shorten my single lifespan.
If you are an over-dater, look back and see the pattern of your behavior and what type of person you have been attracting. Be clear on what you want and don’t get sidetracked by a pretty face. Start becoming more conscious of the subtle patterns that can awaken your understanding of what has been holding you back from true love.
I often tell my clients to use everything that comes up to help you grow and dating is no exception. If you are a non-dater, ask yourself what is holding you back? You may watch your mind make justifications because of your age, the limitations in your city, the opposite sex’s expectations for a mate doesn’t fit you, or a myriad of other excuses that the subconscious will tell you to keep you in the status quo. My favorite is that a psychic told me that it isn’t the right timing yet, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t date for relationship practice until the stars align for true love.
Dating is a choice. You can sit back and blame society for why you can’t get a date or you can make some changes in what you are doing so that you can begin the process. For women, they feel that they have to wait for someone to respond to them online and sometimes that makes them a little lazy. If this is you, it is time to step it up another notch with new activities and not be defeated by temporary setbacks. You are the only one in the way of getting the results you want in love.
The real issue isn’t that you don’t like dating, but something deeper that you haven’t faced yet. If you can start to date, you will face your fears and be more prepared than ever to meet the love of your life.