Finding love by doing the opposite
As the new year approaches, I have been thinking of all those years I said to myself that “this was going to be MY year for love.” Year after year, nothing would change and I was still alone every New Year’s Eve. The reason why things remained the same for so long is that I didn’t change anything inside or out.
You cannot keep doing the same things and expect a different result. My mentor told me that in order to get what you’ve never had, you have to do what you have never done. So, if you want this year to be YOUR year, let’s shake things up a bit!
I met Roberto at the end of 2005 and I was thinking back to all the things I did differently in 2005 that led me to meeting him. I wanted to share them with you to inspire you to make the tiny adjustments that could make a big difference this coming year. Even though I was doing hypnotherapy for over a year and I felt better about myself, I kept doing things that were not in alignment with my higher self which only slowed down the process of meeting the man of my dreams. The following is my list of how I did the opposite in 2005 to get a new result.
- I stopped hiding my emotions from my father and started sharing open communication with him for the first time.
- I stopped focusing on finding love and focused on finding myself.
- I stopped waiting to find a man for my life to begin and submitted a book proposal to reach my dream of becoming a published author.
- I stopped trying to do it all myself the cheapest way possible and I invested in myself with my first coach who helped me master my mind and spiritual path.
- I stopped putting up with men who didn’t know what they wanted and made a clear, focused decision that enough was enough and I wanted the real thing.
- I stopped fluffing my online profile with silly things that would attract more men and made an honest, direct appeal to my ideal mate including all my desires for a committed relationship with a spiritual person.
- I stopped putting my body down and started to remind myself that it was beautiful.
- I stopped doing my personal work only when I hit a crisis and I disciplined myself to practice my meditations and visualizations every day, even when things were going well.
- I stopped hanging around with people who were negative and surrounded myself with higher energy people who were also living their dreams.
10. I stopped waiting for a man to take me on a romantic vacation and took myself on a beach spa holiday.
11. I stopped waiting for someone to write me a love letter and started writing letters to myself.
12. I stopped going to bars and decided that I would put myself in places where men were looking for commitment like a formal dating service.
13. I stopped putting so much pressure on dating to find the one and set the intention to meet new people who were interesting and inspiring.
14. I stopped blaming everyone else for my single status and started taking responsibility as the creator of my life.
15. I stopped dating younger men and became open to going on a date with someone who was 8 years older (Roberto!).
Now, don’t confuse changing with fixing yourself. There is nothing wrong with you except your false perception of how amazing you are. If you look at the results you have in love right now, that is what you believe is possible on the deep level. Your actions mirror your beliefs.
Every time I stepped outside of my old ways and into a new way of being it was really uncomfortable but I kept pushing through it. Each action I took feeling better about myself reinforced this new idea and it eventually became more comfortable to be adored than to be ignored.
So look over this past year and see what you can do differently in the coming year. If I can change my patterns within one year, you certainly can do the same. You must be willing to face the temporary discomfort of stepping outside of your own safe single zone and overcome the resistance to retreat when things get a little funky.
Remember, if you don’t feel uncomfortable, then you aren’t making any changes. Welcome the uneasiness, the uncertainty and embrace the challenge. Become the person who is adored. The prize is finding your true self and a love that lasts.