Do you know your relationship set-point?
If you have been single for a while, you may have been searching in the wrong places for love. You hear the advice of the best websites, the best tips on your profile and the proper dating etiquette to get him to call you back. The problem with this advice is that it makes you believe that love is external, out there for you to find and “attract” into your life. The truth is that no one is going to come in and make you feel loved and give you those feelings of romance unless you feel them first.
You have probably heard that love is inside of you and that you must love yourself before you can manifest a good relationship. You may still you may wonder how you can love yourself when all the evidence out there is showing you rejection and heartache. If no one out there wants me, how can I love myself? The external becomes a barometer of your own self-worth and creates a negative feedback loop of constant frustration in the search for an ideal partner.
The real secret to success in love is understanding what creates a healthy relationship. You must find and adjust your relationship set-point inside so you can draw in a partner that you desire consciously. This subconscious relationship set-point (a thermostat of your value directly related to romance) was developed early on in life. As you grew up and had new relationship experiences, that set point got reinforced into a strong pattern that permeates your relationships today. The longer you remain single or in poor relationships, the stronger this set point becomes and harder for you to break the cycle.
No matter how beautiful you are on the outside or how perfectly you act on a date, you won’t attract lasting love if your relationship set-point is defaulted to heartbreak and disappointment. You may try to change the external all you want, but this internal energy is drawing in the exact match all the time unconsciously. That is why some men seem really great at first and then they turn into the same exact guy who left before. Really, all men aren’t bad, you just won’t see the great ones until you change that set-point inside of you.
My partner, Robert and I call this relationship set-point your Inner Adam™ (or Inner Eve if you are attracted to women). This deep subconscious pattern of being is the filter you see all men and how you relate to them. You may try to fake it for a while, but you always go back to the same neediness or avoidance behaviors you have grown accustomed to in love relationships encoded in you.
The real stickler is that your Inner Adam is energetically drawn to match a man’s Inner Eve. This union is equally matched to the level of self-love and open-heartedness that you have. You always draw in an exact match. Although it feels like the attraction is physical or random, it is energetically charged beneath your conscious awareness.
This is why having the right profile or behaving in a certain way around the opposite sex doesn’t really get you to true love. The root of love is inside of you and how open you are to receive someone in your life.
How do you recognize your relationship set-point? Look at your pattern of your romantic relationships. The common denominator is you. Now this has NOTHING to do with being single or a couple. Everyone has this and some have settled for their dysfunctional match. Some stay in miserable marriages while others keep changing partners, never looking inside to the issue that is causing the unhappiness in their love life.
This relationship set-point doesn’t have to be fixed or healed, it is operating perfectly. You can, however, learn how to consciously shift it to match the higher level of love that you desire and deserve. Then, it doesn’t matter how many singles are in your town or how many dates you get under your belt this week. Your ideal match is always showing up for you, so why not fine tune the signal so you draw in someone who wants a love that lasts just like you?
If you want to learn more about your Inner Adam (or Eve) and how to upgrade your relationship set-point, join us for a free teleclass here to learn the real secret to healthy love relationships. The journey to love begins within you and the outside efforts are just small details.