Dealing with a “false positive” in Dating
He seemed cute enough at first. You had a pretty good first date and you started to think that this could possibly be the one. Imagining that your single days are over, you get excited that he texted you right after the date to ask you out again. This is the point where your imagination starts to blur reality and you build up the guy to be the man of your dreams. You tell your friends and feel a sudden burst of excitement of the possibility that the search is over.
After the second date, you are slightly let down. When he picks you up, you realize he wasn’t as cute as you remembered and a little dorkier. The date is still average but, with no other prospects in sight, you keep hoping that your feelings will change and that maybe the third date will be the charm. You really want love so you decide to continue the romance to see if some spark will start to emerge.
Unfortunately, by the time the third date comes around, you notice many annoying things about him. From the shoes he wears, the car he drives to the type of restaurant he takes you to, the turn-offs are starting to pile high. You don’t really feel a strong connection at all. He’s a nice guy but he has started to call way too much and seems so eager to see you all the time that you are feeling a little claustrophobic. Sadly, staying home alone on Saturday night has more appeal than spending another evening with him.
The rollercoaster of emotions continue because now you have to tell him you aren’t interested in seeing him anymore. To let him go would be easy enough except for the incredible amount of guilt you feel around rejecting him. You feel like you gave him mixed signals in the beginning and think that he will be caught totally off guard. He is such a nice guy and treated you so well compared to your ex, so why can’t you just like him?
You wonder how you got from feeling so good and excited to crashing down as your attraction fizzled away. During these times you realize why you hate dating so much in the first place. Before you give up on the dating process, use these important strategies to avoid the rollercoaster and dragging your dating victims anyone along with you.
- Keep the first date in prospective. If you have a habit of jumping in with both feet and jumping out just as fast, you may just be more in love with the idea of being in love rather than the person who is sitting across from you. Learn to be present with the person instead of having your head in the clouds dreaming of the royal wedding. The best relationships start with two feet flat on the ground.
- Maintain Emotional Balance. If you feel like your dates are stirring up a variety of emotions within you, then you are dealing with other issues outside of the regular dating ritual. Find a way to connect with and heal any uncomfortable emotions or extraordinary highs that are based on your own fantasies. If you start off a relationship with a rollercoaster of emotions, you will burn the romance out really fast and then get bored because you are addicted to the drama.
- Practice Compassionate Rejection. If you feel intense guilt for rejecting someone that makes you lose sleep or puts you in an emotional downslide, you probably also have intense reactions when someone rejects you. As you become aware that you aren’t rejecting him because you are mean or want to hurt him, but that there is simply not a connection, you can have compassion for yourself and the person you date when you are the one getting the bump.
Lastly, love the dating process. If you hate to date, you will not have very good results. You will have a poor attitude and everyone you meet will feel it. The men/women you interact with will sense that you are just looking to seal the deal and feel like a pair of shoes on a discount rank. Enjoy meeting new people and learning about them. Even if there is no attraction, you can find something interesting about anyone. Use dating as a practice for being detached from results, staying in your power, keeping your boundaries and expressing your best self. As you love the process, the process will love you back.