Dating Tip: How do you act when you like someone?
One of the most popular questions I get from my blog is “what is the right way to act when I like someone?” Fearful of making the wrong move and blowing the connection, my single clients often get confused as to the “rules” of dating. Just the simple idea that they are afraid to make the wrong move is already a sign that they have already lost control.
I know how tough it is, you finally meet someone you connect with after dozens of duds and a tension builds inside as if you are hanging on to him with a very fine thread. Any false move can trigger a reaction that sends him running for the hills for cover from your insecurities or pressure to commit. Interesting, you may notice that you never seem to feel this tension when you are involved with someone you do not like as much. When you don’t care, you relax and avoid over-analyzing every conversation and every minute in between phone calls or dates. Why is it that you lose your cool with someone you find attractive?
When you really want love and put the man in the driver’s seat of the relationship, you are left to feel helpless and vulnerable to his responses. Instead of putting you on a pedestal, you put him up there hoping that he will return your loving advances. After you choose to do this, you wonder why he doesn’t pursue you or treat you with more respect. The answer is because you do not expect it…really. You are the one who put yourself at the disadvantage.
When you meet someone new, you put him in a category of his attainability based on your own self-judgment. If you don’t feel good enough, every man you like will unconsciously pick up your insecurities and respond to you as not good enough. However, if you feel like the prize, an amazing gift to his life, you will find that he will work harder to win your affection instead of vice versa. You place yourself on the pedestal and he follows suit to try to earn your love.
I am not talking about becoming egotistical, but a good amount of self-love and seeing your own worth can propel your love life to a new level. You will find men will want to please you, call you and treat you like the amazing catch you are. You see, everyone treats you with the same respect you give yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you also can see the best in him and he will automatically feel good around you. He will want to spend more time with you.
When you honor yourself, you naturally act the “right way” and do not need a handbook of rules to follow to catch a man. If he asks you to do something that you are uncomfortable with such as driving to meet him or sleeping with him too soon, ask yourself if you feel honored and respected. If not, you can clearly communicate to him your boundaries in a nice, loving way. After that, if your new man gets mad or leaves, it should be a sign of relief that you avoided another unhealthy relationship.
The problem I see with most women is that they would rather have the man than their own self-respect. But, when you draw the line and he runs, another better man will quickly come in to replace him who mirrors your new sense of confidence and self-love. You should always put heart first.
Now, you may not always get every guy you are attracted to, but you only need one man. You might as well hold out for the man who loves you the most instead of the ones you have to convince, right? Inside of you there is an inner knowing that will lead you to the man of your dreams. Your job is to just love yourself completely and the rest will be taken care of in its own time and place.