Dating and finding love shouldn’t be hard work
As Labor Day approaches here in the United States, I was thinking about the concept of work. Most of us were raised to think that things take effort and the harder you work, the greater the reward. When searching for a partner, many people apply too much effort and end up with frustrating results.
The typical dating advice out there is to go out and date a lot. Their philosophy is that the more dates you go on, the more potential you have to meet your match. Then there are people who buy every self-help product on the market. With each new trick or tip, they end up putting pressure on getting that big break-through. By applying a desperate mind to the process, the give up too soon and never give anything a chance. They jump from one system to another grasping for an answer and getting confused along the way.
Actions are important but they have a small impact on finding love. The key to getting results in your love life is how you apply the actions with your mind. You can do all the “right” things with a mind that is filled with doubt and fear. No matter what you do, you will get results that reflect your state of mind.
I hear all the time from people when I first speak with them about what they have done in the past and they say they are so sick of “working on themselves.” That attitude is part of the problem. They feel emotionally exhausted and frustrated because what they are doing is trying to fight their own resistance to love. They judge the resistance as bad instead of using it to propel them forward.
Resistance is obstacles that show up such as a breakup, someone not calling, getting laid off from your job, having conflicts with a co-worker, family member or friend or anything that triggers you emotionally. These experiences will make you want to retreat, give up and get really hard on yourself so that it distracts you from your goal. You judge these obstacles as wrong or even that something is wrong with you.
Resistance is like a rubber band that, when stretched, fights to return back to its original position. When you are moving toward a new experience in love, you are actually stretching yourself. Unfortunately, most experts will tell you that you have to fix or clear this resistance, which only strengthens and reinforces it. You end up being on a treadmill of fighting resistance and that is why you are so tired.
Now imagine that you set a goal to find love and you think of that resistance rubber band tied to a slingshot. As you stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone, you can use the resistance that shows up to gather the energy to move you toward love. Instead of having your mind judge when things and emotions on the surface seem to be troublesome, use your mind to see the gift of the obstacle and use the emotion as fuel to get you to where you want to go instead of trying to “heal” it.
For example, if you had a bad string of dates, your unconscious mind is helping you see a pattern that is driving your results. Instead of getting down on yourself and feeling like “nothing is working”, examine the results you are getting to see the gold in it. Your results are always revealing your current state of mind. When you become conscious of what the results are showing you without judgment, you can see how a part of you is just showing you where you are off target.
The universe wants you to have love more than you want to receive it. Your resistance to resistance is stopping the flow and that is something you can easily change for fast results. If you change your attitude about resistance, it will be your greatest ally.
Resistance is just energy, you can fight it or you can partner with it. As you welcome the bad dates, disappointments and emotions that come up as allies to help you transform, you will see they are just re-aligning you on the path to love. You feel confident, brave and trusting in your higher wisdom to take you to your destiny.
Finding love shouldn’t be a lot of work. If it feels like work, you are applying your mind in opposition to the resistance. You aren’t using the energy of the resistance to help you. Remember that things aren’t happening to you, everything is happening FOR you to take you to love (even if it seems odd or unpleasant). Welcome whatever shows up on your journey with open arms and joyful anticipation. With an open state of mind, finding love in this way will feel effortless.