Dating Advice: Is it chemistry or is it your ego?
So many single women and men complain that the people they have chemistry with are the ones that are not available or interested in a relationship with them. I remember being single and thinking, “There is no way I am going to settle. I am not going to date a guy that I am not attracted to just to be in a relationship.” Sound familiar? While I agree that no one should settle, the illusion of chemistry is simply the ego’s way of keeping you away from true love.
The ego’s attraction works with those parts of you that feel the need to be loved or needed, not the part of you that feels confident, whole and complete. The unhealed places in you are always there no matter how much personal growth you have done. You can’t completely rid yourself of ego as long as you are in the human body – or you are some enlightened monk in the mountains. This is the battle you will deal with your entire life – between your divine self and the ego. However, the more you are aware of the divine part of you, the less the ego takes hold and runs your life.
When you meet someone and feel intense emotions, you are actually in fear – the ego’s emotion. This part of you feeds on the fear and creates the illusion of romantic love to keep you hooked into the object of your affection. The reason you are so attracted to the person is because he is not a threat to becoming a real relationship. There is an uncertainty of connection and you are free to love him. The ego’s favorite delusion is filled with all those feelings without the perceived danger of real intimacy. You are drunk with desire.
Far removed from your divine self, you become swallowed up with misplaced passion. Fooled into believing that this other person holds all the joy you can have in life. You put him on a pedestal above others, your friends, family, and maybe even your own children. Feeling separate from him, you cling to every moment together. These emotions are so powerful that the best songs, poems and movies are made based on them. But, it is just a fantasy. Even after he leaves, you are still blinded in the ego’s grip when you have a hard time letting go.
There is a point where you finally have enough of this game. Your divine self cannot stand by and witness one more of your heartaches. This inner power in you starts to emerge and really wants you to be happy and reminds you of your worth. You start to move out of your comfort zone and date people that may not seem your type on the surface. You give someone a chance to love you.
Real love doesn’t feel like chemistry, but rather a warm, soft ocean that you float upon as it carries you. There is definitely connection and attraction but it feels quite different than what you have experienced before. The fear of losing him or losing yourself in him is gone. You feel at home. This love is difficult to describe as if you tried to describe what God feels like. That is the love you deserve.