Want true love? All you need to do is ask.
There isn’t a mystical genie to grant your wishes, but you have that magic within you to draw in the love you want right now. The problem is that, if you are like most women or men, you don’t ask for it. I am not saying go out there and ask strangers on the street to marry you, but look at the patterns of how you ask (or refrain from asking) for love in your every day life.
If you are like many people, the act of asking is associated with being vulnerable and a sign of weakness. The barrier to asking was created early in life when you made requests and they were denied. Whether direct or subtle, shame and rejection surrounded these interactions and developed imprints on your subconscious. You start to believe you don’t deserve good things and just keep your mouth shut in safety. Being quiet becomes a matter of pride.
I see the fear of asking show up in relationships from online dating to twenty-year marriages. A person is afraid to communicate what they want and then they get angry because the other person is not acting according to their expectations. They then pull back or push away the other person with passive aggressive acts instead of facing the issues head on.
A good example of this is when you get into a sexual relationship with a new person but never ask for a commitment. You just hang around and jump every time they call so you won’t be alone. Secretly you resent them for not wanting more from you, but YOU don’t expect more for you. You settle for the crumbs of attention instead of holding out for someone who can treat you right. Eventually you let the relationship die out slowly as the phone calls stop coming and he moves on to someone else.
Another area I see this fear of asking is when people have a do-it-myself attitude with their personal development. They don’t reach out for support because they don’t want to be seen as weak. The deeper issue is that they are truly afraid of change and facing things they have been stuffing for decades. If they don’t open up, they will be safe.
By suppressing your true feelings and desires, you can remain in hyper-control and not allow anyone to disappoint you. You build a wall of safety around yourself, which cocoons you from needing the outside world. The problem is that when you block everyone out, you are also blocking your true love and abundance.
Asking for support is a way to open up your heart to someone else and a powerful way to state your intention. Many people who join one of my coaching programs tell me that it was a transformation in itself to reach out and ask for help and it opened doors in all areas of their life. When you step out of your comfort zone and take action, you make a powerful statement to your subconscious mind about what you want and the subconscious with your divine self will guide you to work out the solution.
I know a woman who was really attracted to a male friend of hers. She reached out and said to him, “You have the qualities I am looking for in a partner, do you see the same in me?” He didn’t feel the same way, but she was glad she put it out there. A few weeks later another man emerged with the same qualities who was interested in her romantically and she met her match. You never know how the ASK is going to respond.
If you are afraid to ask for what you want, then dig deeper into that fear. Why does rejection hurt so much? Why do you put other people on pedestals above you for your self-worth?
As I mentioned earlier, these childhood hurts are finding their way into your adult life and continue to control your behavior. Roberto and I call these fears the monsters under the bed. What the child fears makes no sense to the adult, logical mind. The best way to break apart from the fear is to start asking for what you want. Be prepared for some rejection, but also be surprised with the supportive and loving responses you receive.
Strong people ask for what they want. Scared people hide and wait for someone to rescue them. By opening yourself up and asking is not a sign of weakness, but enables you to become a powerful force of nature. You start to see your relationships change (some toxic ones will drop away) and your true love will be waiting to give you a big fat YES to your big ASK.