Are you hiding from love?
For many years I was out there searching for my true love. I never let a weekend go by without some plan to meet available men. I went to sporting events, happy hours, friends’ parties, weddings, concerts, events, and even put myself online. If I had no plans for the weekend, I would immediately go into a panic thinking I was going to miss out on meeting “him.” If a person told me I was hiding from love back then I would have thought they were crazy. The truth is that I was hiding in plain sight.
No matter how much you do to make love happen, if you are not meeting your match, you are hiding in some way. You may be consciously hiding by avoiding online dating or socializing. You could also be really making the effort but never making a connection. Either way you are hiding from a relationship if you won’t let it show up for you.
If you are consciously hiding you can’t simply go out there to change your experience, you have to discover why you are hiding. Upon first examination, you may have very logical reasons. I don’t want to get hurt, I don’t trust men or women, I don’t know where to go, online dating is not for me, I am not social, and so on. They all sound rational, but not the real reason you are hiding.
If you are making great efforts to date, making yourself physically available to meet a potential partner, you must uncover why you are unconsciously hiding. Why isn’t that ideal person seeing you? Finding a match isn’t about fate or luck, but your lack of results are reflecting something back about you.
If you are taking lots of online courses but never finish them or avoid getting personal support, you think the reason may be about the investment but it is really the fear of coming out of hiding. It is easy to hide behind a computer and listen to visualizations, but to talk to someone about your deeper stuff can be quite intimidating.
Why would you hide from love? This just doesn’t make any sense. Well, you aren’t really hiding from a person, but what a close relationship will bring up in you. For me, I was hiding from being vulnerable and intimate, sharing my feelings. It was terrifying for me. I didn’t realize that by attracting emotionally unavailable men, it kept me in a safe place. I could hide in plain sight.
When you hide from a relationship, you are really avoiding facing a shadow part of you. The shadow parts are unconscious that you find unacceptable or scary (some of them are your beauty, sensitivity, brilliance, by the way). You learned to hide the shadow to survive when you were young and then forgot that you hid these qualities away.
This shadow self is controlling your love choices unconsciously, actually bringing you people who possess the qualities you do not accept about yourself instead of what you want. The shadow is powerful until you see through it and then it no longer runs your love life. You are free to choose.
Carl Jung says that people will do the most ridiculous things to avoid facing the shadow. We have seen people create drama in their life to distract them, experience a job loss or car breakdown, an accident (lots of broken feet strangely) to stop them from attending an event or join a program that they know is starting to give them results). They will even sabotage relationships with friends, family or potential mates to avoid getting too close to the shadow.
If you want to learn what you are hiding from, don’t focus on the fear of what you will lose if you get into another failed relationship but what is so risky about having a great relationship that lasts? This may sound ridiculous that you would hide from something great, but you are already doing it and it is serving you on some level.
Imagine being in that amazing relationship and what you would think is the downside of everything being wonderful and lasting. You know you get a handle on a piece of your shadow when you feel an emotion triggered that sets off your discomfort alarm. The key is to go beyond your known fears and face the ones in your shadow without judging them or yourself.
Sometimes it takes you to come to the breaking point where hiding is more painful than making a change. You turn 40, 50, 60 and finally say, I can’t hide anymore. The divine in you is always pushing you to be more of your true self. Then, you finally have the courage to face the shadow.
Once you bring what you are hiding into the light without judgment, you will be empowered to step out and be seen in your true magnificence. If you don’t judge these parts, you will no longer need to hide them or yourself from great love. You will realize that the shadow is full of gifts and love that you have been hiding from.
You will discover that the love you sought out in the world was always hidden inside.