Are you being yourself?
Everyone has masks they wear in different situations. The person you are at work can be quite different to the identity you have with your friends and family. Learning the acceptable way to act in certain environments was taught to you throughout your life experience in an effort to please others. Getting lost in these various roles, you may get confused as to when to be your real self around the opposite sex.
Deep inside of many singles there is a part that wants to cry out and say “what about me?” The scared little girl is afraid to show herself or the tender man fears if he gets exposed that he will be quickly crushed. The reality-show addict says that she loves to read the Wall Street Journal or the nice guy pretends he is a swinging bachelor to impress a date. Instead of sharing their true feelings, many hold themselves back which leads to surface dating and shallow relationships that never last.
When I was single, I would always hide my spiritual side and act like the fun, light-hearted party girl. I wanted to share my deep mystical insights and my yearning for a lasting relationship, but instead locked that part of me up because I didn’t know if she would be accepted. I wanted a spiritual guy but always settled for mainstream guys because everyone told me to give up on finding someone on my spiritual level.
I finally reached a point where I no longer could hold my real self back. I began to date a guy who was pretty conservative but I decided to let my “spiritual cat out of the bag” anyway. I shared with him some of my interesting spiritual experiences and my work with energy healing. He broke up with me after a few months of dating, explaining that the physical attraction was there but he couldn’t deal with all the spiritual stuff. Instead of feeling disappointed, I found it humorous. He didn’t like the one quality about me that I loved the most. I knew something shifted inside because I wasn’t swayed by his opinion.
A few months later, I pressed on and signed up for a dating service. In my profile, I was completely open about my spiritual side and my desire to have a committed relationship. I was tired of trying to be the person I thought men wanted me to be and decided to have a “take it or leave it” attitude. My gamble paid off and I met my boyfriend 24 hours later. I discovered that being the real me opened up a new possibility for love that I didn’t even know existed.
Remember this story when you are dating. Don’t hide your true self. If you put on an act, the person you are involved with will eventually find you out. It is a lot of work to keep up the façade and live in fear of disclosing something to your partner. When you fall in love with all of you, you will attract someone who falls in love with all of you. Being yourself is freeing and the highest form of self-love you can experience. It is also the fastest way to attract your ideal partner.
This particular lesson has circled back around for me recently. When I started my practice, I used my proper name, Debra, because it sounded more professional than Debi. Over the past ten years I was hesitant in sharing some of my mystical experiences and even crazy dating stories because I thought my customers would resonate with them. Again, I was holding myself back, feeling restricted and imprisoned in a package that could not contain me any longer. This month, I decided to go back to using Debi and to be more me.
Being you can be scary without all the masks and cover-ups. Your instincts may hold you back to seek the acceptance from others. You can begin by stepping out in tiny steps at first. As your tip your toes in the water of change, you find that it isn’t as uncomfortable as you originally feared and eventually you will dive all the way in to your real self and make a big, wonderful splash.