Are you addicted to being single?
Being single may seem like a ridiculous thing to be addicted to, especially when you really want to find true love. Not all singles are unhappy or want to find love. For those of you want to get out of the singles pool, know that the workings of the mind are not all logical and you could find yourself locked into the single life as strong as you are attached to a sugary dessert.
If you have been single for a while, there is a level of comfort that comes with the familiar. The unknown path of being a couple is not appealing to the subconscious mind simply because the experience is different. To the deep feeling mind, sameness equals safe and different means dangerous. Just like any addiction, the ties of habit are too light to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
The longer time you spend out of a relationship, the stronger the bond to the status quo becomes for you. No matter how much you try to convince yourself you want love, the force of the subconscious mind will resist. You can ask anyone who has tried to quit smoking. They tell you how much they hate it, but keep returning the strange comfort of the smoky air filling their lungs. The behavior doesn’t make sense but persists, just like the draw to staying single.
Instead of being obvious, your mind will create obstacles to your goal and can be very sneaky. At times, you may hear yourself justify your single-dom or the reasons why you dumped that Harvard lawyer because his hair was parted on the wrong side. All of these rationalizations are created by your mind to keep your single habit going.
Here are five signs that you may be addicted to being single:
1. Feeling that no one is good enough. The opposite sex is too old, too fat, too young, too poor, a bad dresser, has a weird voice, etc. Being super-picky ensures that you won’t find anyone because no one is perfect. Ever wonder why Jerry Seinfeld stayed single all those years? He was addicted.
2. Always attracted to the Unavailable Ones. If it always feels as though the only people you want to be with are the ones who don’t want anything to do with you, there’s a problem. How can you want love but chase the ones who don’t? It doesn’t make logical sense so you know that your habit is in full swing.
3. Being the social butterfly. Filling up your calendar with social events with the guys or girls and pretending to look for love is ineffective. Your actions appear to be making an attempt but you know deep inside you are really not ready to meet Mr. Right when there are plenty of parties to attend.
4. Addicted to Work. The opposite of the social butterfly, if you get too busy with your job or business, you don’t allow any room for social time. It is great to be ambitious, but some people bury themselves in work to avoid the intimacy of a romantic relationship.
5. Hiding Out. Attending speed dating events or dating online can be an uncomfortable situation for some singles. Going out and dating takes you out of your comfort zone. You don’t want to do all the work but it also could just be another excuse for avoiding real romance.
In order to break the addiction, you first have to accept that you are creating your own dating problems. The next step is to find out why you are so afraid of being in love. Heal your inner wounds that make you hesitate to enter the love-zone and become open to a new social experience. Lastly, visualize and imagine yourself in a healthy relationship. Engage your feelings and you will trick your inner mind to believing that you are already in love. The experience of relationship will become familiar and safe and your subconscious will stop resisting your attempts to find true love.
As a recovering single-o-holic, I finally am free of my addiction after 20 years of dating. I complained that love wasn’t fair and blamed the men I dated when all along I was the one standing in my own way. Once you decide to say yes to love on all levels of your mind, true romance will seem to appear out of thin air.